burn with anger, woman

Burn with anger, woman.  Your fire voice was temporarily extinguished with water, but you did not let it drown you. You turned everything that touched you to steam. The destroyers dissipated into the air, mixed in with the ancestors who lost their way and told un-truths about the place of woman. They now mourn their ignorance. They are gone, in form and thought, the ideas losing footing and the voices fading, with those few unenlightened left who are unable to grasp what is needed to survive the next great wave of time. They say there are 2,000 years in each season, and the patriarchy that has almost dried up mother’s milk is coming to an end.

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the clouds in prayer

The clouds interlace fingers seeking prayer, an impassioned supplication to the un-gods.  They spread across skies gathering stories of un-time, spaces inside cycles that collect memories we will never touch, nor taste. Nor see. Clouds beseech the un-gods, begging for intervention. But the gods are children of a lesser world, Earth merely a blue and green ball in their sand, useless castles jutting toward the sky. They play. And laugh. But the clouds do not laugh. They watch as fingers interlace, knees bruise from centuries of thanking. And begging. The un-souls want to return to spirit. But tears are not the answer. The gods mistake them for rain. The gods toss fists full of sand to the Earth for those with the bruised knees who stand only to survive this un-World. The clouds watch and wonder, where are the real gods? The ones with love and power; and the desire to stop the pain, change the Earth channel, frequency, so that the violence does not outweigh the peace. So that potential is realized in the tomorrow. Change the channel now, so the un-World can shift into an awakening we can touch. The clouds drop tears upon the sandbox. Their prayers go unanswered. Their gods  enjoy Reality Earth, because Reality TV isn’t where the real drama lives. So to soothe their unrest, the clouds cry down on us. Their tears bring growth to forgotten parts of the un-World. Maybe they are the gods we’ve been waiting for. Maybe their tears, like holy water, will cast out the evil that lives inside this un-World. Maybe.

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final semester

Last semester. I need to get through this. Can’t let illness stop me.
Whatever lives, breathes, thinks, intervenes, loves, sees….
…ancestors, alien overlords, yoruba deities, universe, omniverse, multiverse, reincarnation overseers, ancient scientists experimenting with the DNA of various species throughout the universe….
….please, see me, and get me through this so I can complete my time in this realm doing what I enjoy without hindrance.
Otherwise, please open the portal so I can go home.

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the mold in me

I’ve been away for the last two weeks. My vow to write daily has been broken by debilitating illness. You see, I was poisoned by mold which ravaged my body systemically and to the point of near immobility.

The signs were all there, with one member of the household exhibiting symptoms we could find no reason for. She was constantly having dizzy spells that threatened to black her out. What made it more confusing was that she continued to have the symptoms even when she went to visit another family member in another state. Little did we know that she was going from one mold filled environment to another, hence the continued dizzy spells.

It would take months before I began to feel the same dizzy spells she describe, a whipping effect that lasted for not much more than a second, but threatened to crumble me to the floor.

Another member of the household also began to complain of the same type of dizzy spells, albeit far less frequent for him.

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Air cleansing plant (Dieffenbachia) at my family member’s home today. I spent a lot of time outside with this one.

Long story short, given that I work from home and rarely got out, I ended up being affected the most. The symptoms progressed from one or two dizzy spells per day to several throughout the day. By this time, our other family member was away with a friend in Denver and having virtually no more dizzy spells. Of course, she was out of the mold filled environment.

I, however, continued to deteriorate. Beginning three weeks ago, it got to the point where I could hardly walk and couldn’t breathe. Sadly, given that the effects of mold toxicity are not taught to physicians and not of primary concern in emergency situations, not only is there no immediate testing for mold inside the body, but for some strange reason, the tests given always return either a healthy body with no problems, as it was in my case, or some systemic issue that doctors do not connect to mold, but can never find any remedy. A particular organ will be affected, for which medication does not work to heal.

After a while, I could hardly see straight to walk. My vision was blurring on and off. I was dizzying out of control, weak and unable to breathe without it feeling like someone was standing on my chest. Even when they checked my lungs, they could find nothing wrong. I needed a specialist, but no one wanted to properly address my issues because their tests came back showing I was healthy. Therefore, sending me to a specialist seemed to be low priority. During my last trip to the emergency room because I was unable to breathe, rather than suggest a lung specialist, the doctor prescribed me anxiety medication, which I promptly left in the emergency room.

I began to do research and found others who had not only similar, but the exact same stories of incompetent doctors who would even go as far as to state that mold cannot make one sick. This ignorance flies in the face of numerous studies that prove beyond a doubt that toxic mold not only can make one sick, but kill us.

Let me share some of history in brief. I left the United State Army twenty-five years ago. From that time until today I never took another shot of any kind, not even a flu shot. Because of that, I have never been healthier. In that time, I may have caught the flu twice, maybe three, times. I rarely go to the doctor, visiting only if I have a serious problem, which was rare. Prior to this mold incident that has had me visiting the doctor frequently in the last six months, I had not been to the doctor in nearly a decade beyond a one year check-up through the VA Hospital; not even a gynecologist. I’ve caught two colds in ten years, with the last cold I caught about five years ago.

Basically, I don’t like doctors and try to avoid them like the plague unless there is something wrong with me that my natural remedies and organic lifestyle cannot heal. So it was rather frustrating to go to the doctor and be treated as though I was some mental case merely suffering from anxiety. Given my history, if I go to the doctor, trust, it is for a valid reason. I am certainly having a serious problem.

Needless to say, this was the issue with everyone’s testimonial I read. Some were more lucky than I to find specialists who fully recognized the debilitating and dangerous nature of mold and what it can do to the body. And, took measures to remedy the issue. They were the lucky ones. Many were not so luck, as was/is the case with me.

Once I recognized, too late, that it was the mold making me sick, I left the house within a week. By then, I was unable to move, couldn’t stand in the sun and could barely eat anything given that the mold caused me to develop a leaky gut, which made eating certain foods impossible. I would have a horrible reaction to them. In under two weeks I lost 11 pounds.

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Cactus waiting to bloom at my family member’s home today.

My weight is still down, but since being in Florida and out of that toxic house in Mississippi, I have been healing. I am temporarily staying with a family member until our apartment is ready.

After about three days, the breathing issues died down. I am now able to breathe much better without laboring. The dizzy spells slowed down in the last three days. I have been on a strict regimen of anti-fungal, antimicrobial and anti-parasite herbs, as well as probiotics and fresh squeezed juices. I have, for now, cut out all sugar based items, including fruit (I love fruit), in order to starve the mold out of my system. Mold thrives on sugar of all kinds.

I have, sadly, become my own doctor given that the VA Hospital and the local hospital were virtually useless in addressing my issue. I’ve had to do my own research and figure out how to self heal through the personal experiences of others who also received poor professional care.

I found a family who, through extensive research and trial and error, healed themselves. This is important given that most who suffer from toxic deteriorating mold exposure never recover. One close friend of mine told about her friend whom she helped get out of a mold filled dorm which was later shut down by the health department given the toxicity of the mold. She said he has never been the same since.

I ordered the family’s book and have been taking much of their advice. I’ve always eaten healthy and clean, so I am hopeful that my progress will be accelerated. Today is the first day I’ve felt well enough to type anything. I had not been online or checked email for more than ten days.

Every now and then if I eat something detoxing I go into an hour or so tailspin. But I’m clear that it is the effects of detoxification and the mold kicking up into my blood stream to be expelled. Generally I am feeling much better, walking better and, most importantly, I can breathe.

This has been a huge lesson for me. Never again will I simply look at mold, spray it with vinegar and bleach, watch it disappear, then assume it might not still be hiding behind the walls and growing out of control.

I implore those with mold to remediate it if they can afford to, or leave the home. Your life is worth more than a house. If you are in an apartment, call the health department. You could be suffering from illnesses directly related to the mold and not realize it, all the while thinking it’s an isolated health problem. Remember, mold destroys systemically. It kills neurons in the brain, which is what was happening to me why I was losing my motor skills. It harms every organ, every function, from the pituitary gland to the thyroid gland and more. It breaks down your cellular structure and disrupts your DNA and RNA. Everything you can imagine is destroyed by toxic mold in the body.

Mold is everywhere in nature. We live on a planet filled with mold. But it is unnatural and deadly to live with mold concentrated inside the home where most live in air conditioners or heaters, never opening windows to let fresh air pass through. The most dangerous aspect of mold is that it is just as harmful, if not more, dead. Mycotoxins are released into your bloodstream from dead mold, which is probably why I feel dizzy and weak after taking an ant-fungal/antibacterial/anti-microbial.

This has been the reason I have not posted in a while. My mind is still a bit foggy, so I hope this post isn’t too scattered. I am, however, resting as much as possible and healing slowly.

I am hopeful that I will be able to post tomorrow. Maybe a short poem if I feel well enough. In the last week I have had up and down days, but writing was always on my mind. I wanted to share my journey many days ago, but was simply too weak to do so.

Until next time, live well and mold free beautiful people.

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words come

i read the wind.
the words color me in shades
of scented gardenias.
the words take to the clouds,
and write their sex song.
i am churned by the scent of ecstasy.
my yoni rises to meet you
in between the rough sentences.
words come.
they come,
and come.
the wind writes its stories on my skin.
words come.
i arrive on the wind.

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